Monday, June 13, 2011

What am I doing here

Good question. Why are we put on this earth? Do we have a purpose or is life just a big mix of luck and fate? Without getting too philosophical, let me just say that I'm a firm believer in making the most out of whatever I'm given. If I get lemons, I'll try to make lemonade.

I guess you could call it a personal motto, but I've always like the expression, "Bloom where you are planted." I never thought I would be planted in Japan for this long. I miss my home and family so much that on most days if I think too much about it I just can't breathe. I want to go home to them in Colorado. I still have a dream but the years pass on and I wonder if it will ever come true.

Not to say that I don't like Japan. I know I am so blessed to be here, just exactly here in this place in Japan. My husband's family are all nearby and they are all pretty wonderful. I have precious friendships that have grown over the past 10 years of living in our neighborhood. It would be very hard to leave them all behind.

This may not be my first choice of where I want to be, but its a close second. I still dream of going home. I still dream of traveling the world and embarking on new adventures. I'm a pretty patient person - Heaven knows I've had to be since coming here. I'm still "fairly" young and I'd like to believe I still have time to do these things.

So while I am waiting, dreaming of these people and places, I've decided I'm just going to be the best Me wherever I am. I am going to continue to bloom.

This is a page I made that appeared in the April 2011 Artisan Notebook

I'm in my early forties. I'm only in my early forties. I'm already in my forties? How did that happen so quickly? I don't feel quite that -- dare I say it -- "old." I know it’s not old. Forties is the new thirties, right! Women are staying young, staying hot longer, right?! So to say that I'm in my forties shouldn't be such a big deal. I'm still young at heart and I'm still active and, for the most part, healthy.

Then why does it bother me so much? You see, the average life expectancy for a woman is around 80. So that would mean that my life is half over. Half over. How is that possible? High school was just a few years ago! I only graduated university a few years ago too, right? I've only been in Japan for 19 years! What???? That one is the most painful. In a few more years, I will have been in Japan for half of my life. Away from home and family for half of my life.

Sometimes I can't bear it. In my heart I am young, beautiful, wrinkle-free and the world is wide open, full of possibilities. It is still the spring of my life -- in my heart that is. In reality I am in my 40s, still somewhat lovely on some days, have quite a few more wrinkles than I like the world to see, and my future becomes more limited with each passing year. In reality, I am entering the autumn of my life.

There is still so much I want to do, so many new adventures I want to embark on. I still want to bloom in new ways that I haven't yet tried! I'm not ready to quietly fade and wilt just yet. I want to be one of those women who steps out boldly later in life and undertakes a complete transformation of their lives for the better.

When I look at life from this viewpoint I realize that although I may be entering autumn in my life, it is never too late. It will be spring in my heart as long as I say it will be. I have the power to course my life in new directions. I have the ability to bloom in autumn.

Thank you as always for stopping by my little corner of the web. Please come again.


Ingrid said...

Oh my ! Holly, this page is my new fave of yours ! I love that you picked several pics from important events of your life and how you journaled them ! I absolutely have to remember to do the same when i turn 40 ! I alwyas say i still have time but i also know time just flies ! I'll be in my early 40's before i know it ! ;)

Bellaidea said...

So cool and pretty!

ViVa Artistry is: said...

You know that is a really awesome layout and blog post. It makes me think of my life and how i have been away from the US for almost 7 years now and I cant imagine the 19 you've been gone for. Seriously, I can relate. And thank you for your viewpoint, it gives me something to think about. (vivienne)